Recover

So it seems to retreat back to the old times again, that we are alright, that it is just another fights. But somehow I have to admit it changed a little part in my feelings. It sorta cooled me down in a way which had never occured to me before. I still have feelings, still feel crazy about him. But it seems that my self protection has blocked away a part of it. Now the feelings are not that direct anymore, and for the first time in this relationship I have fear in my mind---because I realize I do feel the changes in me, not just something driven by some stupid drama-desired intension like before. Yet I still cannot leave him. I am afraid to devote myself too much and once again cross the limits, and then behave like a crazy woman who has nothing else meaningful to do than calling her bf all the time. And then feel hurted again. I hope this feeling will go away soon, hope this is just some temporary self protection I have, and hope that my heart just become numb for a while, and not forever.